Live and Let Die

Dad's still in hospital, but I think he's improving slowly - he's certainly grumbling enough and up to this point he hasn't really cared enough about anything to complain about it, so I'm taking it as a good sign.  I struggled to maintain the positivity though, when he complained that the pyjama top and pants I'd taken in were a fractionally differing shade of blue!  Just after my Dad was admitted to hospital, a close friend was diagnosed with leukemia.  It was a shock for everyone concerned as she'd been working with her usual enthusiasm and commitment just a week before.  She's now in Christie Hospital and has just started chemotherapy.  She rang me on Wednesday evening and was in good spirits - if scared stiff.  I can't help but struggle to come to terms with the fact that she's fighting to live, and my Dad is wanting to die.  In my work I've dealt with and learned about ethical dilemmas and found the subject fascinating, but it's completely different when you try to apply it to your loved ones. My Dad is in a psychiatric unit because he wants to die.  Yes, his depression and anxiety are chronic, he has an element of paranoia and he needs help.  However, I truly believe that he doesn't want to be here without my mum and his physical health problems are starting to become more than he can cope with.  I don't think his mind is disturbed in that respect, I think he is trying to make a choice.  I have no answers.  I want both my friend and my dad to live.

Comments

[AndyC]

The real difficulty seems to be the emotional fallout from al of this.

I feel for you, Cal.

[Cal]

Thanks Andy and apologies for the delay in answering. Emotional fall out is one word for it - I just wish I could actually make some sense of any of it, but perhaps the secret is not to try and to just go with the flow.